Mar.
24, 2000
Dalai
Lama mass email
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
FROM
THE DALAI LAMA: Do not keep this message. The mantra
must leave your hands within 96 hours. You will get
a very pleasant surprise. This is true, even if you
are not superstitious.
Instructions
for Life
1.
Take into account that great love and great achievements
involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs: Respect for self Respect for
others and Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes
a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate
steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your
values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older
and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second
time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation
for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with
the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which
your love for each other exceeds your need for each
other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in
order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
FORWARD
THIS MANTRA E-MAIL TO AT LEAST 5 PEOPLE AND YOUR LIFE
WILL IMPROVE.
0-4 people: Your life will improve slightly.
5-9 people: Your life will improve to your liking. 9-14
people: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next
3 weeks.
15 people and above: Your life will improve drastically
and everything you ever dreamed of will begin to take
shape.
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Mar.
23, 2000
First
Blessing
In
response to our recent Dalai Lama mass email, we have
received what must be the first of the promised five
blessings in the form of this email from cousin-in-law
Ralph Horowitz.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I
was on my way to the post office to pick up my case
of free M&Ms,(sent to me because I forwarded their e-mail
to five other people, celebrating the fact that the
year 2000 is "MM" in Roman numerals), when I ran into
a friend whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering
from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky
Fried Chicken - which is predictable, since as everyone
knows, there's no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried Chicken,
which is why the government made them change their name
to KFC.
Anyway,
one day this guy went to sleep and when he awoke he
was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was
sore all over and when he got out of the tub he realized
that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN. He saw a note on his
mirror that said, "Call 911!" but he was afraid to use
his phone because it was connected to his computer,
and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy
his hard drive if he opened e-mail entitled "Join the
Crew!" He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was
a computer programmer who was working on software to
prevent a global disaster in which all the computers
get together and distribute the $250.00 Neiman-Marcus
cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates. (It's
true -I read it all last week in a mass e-mail from
BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free
Disney World vacation and $5,000 if I would forward
the e-mail to everyone I know.)
The
poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to
report his missing kidneys, but a voice on the line
first asked him to press # 90, which unwittingly gave
the bandit full access to the phone line at the guy's
expense. Then reaching into the coin-return slot he
got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around which
was wrapped around a note that said, "Welcome to the
world of AIDS." Luckily he was only a few blocks from
the hospital - the one where that little boy who is
dying of cancer is, the boy whose last wish is for everyone
in the world to send him an e-mail and the American
Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every
e-mail he receives. I sent him two e-mails and one of
them was a bunch of X's and O's in the shape of an angel
(if you get it and forward it to more than 10 people,
you will have good luck, but for 10 people you will
only have OK luck, and if you send it to fewer than
10people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS).
So,
anyway, the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital,
but on the way he noticed another car driving without
its lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his lights
at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation.
Send THIS to all the friends who send you their junk
mail and you will receive 4 green M&Ms, but if you don't,
the owner of Proctor and Gamble will report you to his
Satanist friends and you will have more bad luck: you
will get cancer from the Sodium Laureth Sulfate in your
shampoo, your wife will develop breast cancer from using
the antiperspirant which clogs the pores under your
arms, and the government will put a tax on your e-mails
forever. I know this is all true, because I read it
on the Internet.
---------------
Forwarded with Changes
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Mar.
xx, 2000
Next
Blessing Here
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